had to stop playing to do some work but I had to comment already, it's hard to find something where you feel seen and this was it for me. I started playing this while feeling super shitty and trapped (pre-t, only out to few friends, not that young) and it really helped.

I haven't figured out a new name yet, both irl and online I have these names and usernames that I don't hate but that I know are "girl" names, funnily enough some usernames I ended up changing to initials as well, just like L.

All the discourse online and stuff I've seen around (luckily not from my online friends) is so real. I can feel the annoyance and frustration of those discord conversations and tumblr posts (the mod who 'doesn't allow any debate' bc they want the place to be nice and also bc they're exhausted and just ends up being way too rigid is too real (and how their dislike of one of the people involved seeps into it). and the way it's SO different the way people talk online vs irl

the terf stuff as well I've not had directed at me (helps i'm not publicly out) but i'm very familiar with. I had my mom tell me she thinks I'm the most intelligent woman in the world the other day. as a way to comfort me. i know all the nice things won't last once I come out, I'll stop being 'a role model' and become a monster. what can u do.

I've never read and felt such a visceral representation of what it is to go out in the world and just hope that you somehow manage to pass at least for a second while knowing it's so unlikely. I don't even like guys I was still CRUSHED at that 'oh'.  Like L,  I want to go out there and have sex and I'm into kink,I also would die if I had to get naked bc my body is so bad or because maybe i'm not into sex who the fuck knows. 
The haircut is way too real also, I recently had a bad haircut that made me look super girly (at a barbershop!!! where they'd never done this before) and had to end up going somewhere else and get it fixed.

in a weird spot with the fat thing where I don't think that and have never felt that my thinness helps me pass (i thought the opposite actually) but this has changed as I gained weight so yknow. i know it's a bad thought and I keep it in mind. dysphoria is one hell of a drug. 

TDLR I feel like you read my mind and i'm not even halfway done, even down to details like the jerking off out of boredom looking at the ceiling. how are you in my walls